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When I am rich… Novel

July 4, 2012

When I am rich, I am going to write a spy novel about an ordinary middle-aged man who is being hunted down by the military forces of several countries who think he know too much because the laptop of a recently assassinated US president landed in his hands by a sheer twist of fate. Very early on in the novel my protagonist will be chased by a helicopter through a forest, where eventually he will be shot and falls down a cliff into a river. All my readers will believe he’s still alive because it’s just 5 pages into a 250-page novel, but in fact he is completely and utterly dead and the story finishes right there with the readers realising that pages 6 to 250 are blank pages. The novel will be called The Notebook.


When I am rich… Donation

July 3, 2012

When I am rich, I am going to donate an organ to a church.

When I am rich… Wine

July 2, 2012

When I am rich, I am going to produce Japanese rice wine of three grades:
  • 好の酒 – Good quality wine, each bottle comes a wine cup with bronze decorations
  • 天国の酒 – Superior quality wine, each bottle comes a wine cup with silver decorations
  • 神の酒 – Top quality wine, each bottle comes with a wine cup with golden decorations
The bottom of the three cups will be inscribed with the phrases, “For goodness’ sake”, “For heaven’s sake” and “For God’s sake” respectively.

When I am rich… Designer label

June 30, 2012

When I am rich, I will start a designer label named Law, and my business garment range will be called Lawsuits.

When I am rich… Smoking area

June 29, 2012

When I am rich, in my coffee shop, there will be a smoking and a non-smoking area. The smoking area will actually be in the kitchen, where I smoke my salmon.

When I am rich… Car

June 28, 2012

When I am rich, I am going to buy a car with a large rear wing.

On it, in large racing font,  will be printed the words, “SPOILER ALERT”.

When I am rich… Payphone

June 27, 2012

When I am rich, I shall open a coffee shop, in which I will have a pay-phone, but the phone is not actually a pay phone, it’s a normal land-line phone, so I will have to employ someone to stand next to the phone all day and collect money from people when they use it and the employee will wear a name tag that reads “Phone Charger”.